Messy House, Messy Mind: The Raw Relationship Data Behind Cleanliness, Clutter, and Sexual Attraction

Having a clean house and being house proud is a great trait to have in a relationship. It tells the other person that you are responsible, organised, that you take care of your self and also your belongings.

When dating it gives an overall great impression that you are clean and like a clean and tidy house and appearance. If you like a clean house, then you are more than likely to be a clean person yourself with hygiene. This is a great turn on for some people as a clean house most likely means a clean hygienic person. It also means that you take care of your self-care and wellbeing is of a high standard.

Like the saying goes, messy house, messy mind. If you have a messy house, it might mean that you are all over the place in your head and don’t put yourself first. Also a cluttered house, cluttered mind. This again can put people off because if you have a cluttered house, you might have disorganised mental health. This can also mean you might come across stressed and anxious a lot of the time, because everything is getting on top of you.

Dating Apps and First Impressions

When people are scanning dating apps and look in the background, if they see a cluttered bedroom or home, this is an instant turn off. We all want to feel clean and tidy and have respect for our home and our belongings. According to the results, more than seven in 10 had skipped profiles for this reason.

• Men Judging Profiles: According to the study, men (33%) were the most likely to judge the cleanliness shown on a profile. This could be that when you are meeting someone for the first time, or going back to their house, its always the first thing we look at, we look around, see how people live, see what their house looks like etc.

• The Standards: If we are thinking this is a potential partner and you have standards, you want to know that this person will have the same kind of standard as you when it comes to keeping the house clean etc. It creates a positive first impression.

  
  

• The Male Psychology: This may be due to the psychology behind the male thinking of if a women’s area where she lives is clean, she will be clean elsewhere in other areas of her life. Her mind will not be cluttered, she takes care of herself and if this is compromised and she is in a messy area, the psychology will be that they are too much hard work, they don’t look after themselves and other areas of their life. Its just the way the human mind works. It could also say a lot about a person and their needs within the relationship. If a man judges the cleanliness, it might be they also look after themselves well and would like a prospective partner to do the same.

  
  

• Judging Room Photos: As we can see in the data, a third of people will judge others photos of the rooms cleanliness and this is a good trait to have. It tells you roughly what you will be walking into if you did date this person.

  
  

• Mental Health Signals: A messy house can also mean a state of depression and anxiety. This can come across in the person on a first date. I can see why people would be turned off in a messy unclean unkept house. People are good at looking, being interested in how others live. Its just the human psyche. We are all interested in others way of living and perspectives on life.

  
  

It could also be that messy people were brought up in a messy household and to them, its normal which is fine but take a look at why you aren’t getting dates, or why when you have a date come over to your house, they immediately leave. How is your workspace, bedroom space? This can be a huge indication that it’s a messy area.

Take a Look at the Bedroom and Intimacy

Take a look at the bedroom. Do you use this space as a general area as well as sleeping, so for example do you use the bedroom to dry clothes, you don’t put them away, there are dirty and clean clothes everywhere. Or things stacked up on top of each other.

Your bedroom should be a calm inviting space. If there are things all around you, it will mean you wont sleep very well. Your mind is cluttered, your space is cluttered and then your life is cluttered. This is where things need to be sorted out. It will mean your sleep wont be as calming and you will wake up with a busy mind. Try to add candles, calming colours and have a space for yourself in your bedroom like your ‘go to’ area for when you feel overwhelmed and need some time and space alone.

When it comes to being intimate in the bedroom, this is a huge turn off if there is clutter and stuff everywhere. Its harder to switch off your mind and be in the mood for sex when things are falling on top of you.

Another turn off is dirty sheets or not fresh sheets. People like to feel loved and cared for in the bedroom. Dirty sheets are a huge turn off because you don’t want to be laying naked on them. You mind is going to be in overdrive and not feeling calm and relaxed.

For great sex you need to be in the rest and digest nervous system your parasympathetic nervous system. This allows you to feel calm and more in the moment rather than being in the sympathetic nervous system, you fight or flight mode.

Just take time to tidy up a little, declutter your bedroom, home, wardrobe even. This will create a better energy around the home, making you feel instantly calm. Cleanliness is a huge turn on because it means you take care of yourself and your house. The other person doesn’t even have to try to help you and organise your life, you are already in control of that area and that is a huge turn on for a partner.

A nice smelling home is hugely important when it comes to dating the right person. Again this can be a huge turn off if the house, living room, bedroom feels and smells bad. What else is going to smell bad, their hygiene? But that’s not to say that overpowering and overbearing smells may also put people off.

Why Relationships End Over Cleaning Habits

According to the data, more than half of people would consider ending a relationship because of the other person's cleaning habits (or lack of) and this is a huge area of interest.

It might be that the person they are dating was ok to start with and as the weeks or moths have passed that person has just got into the comfortable one and cant be bothered to keep the house clean which then might mean they lack in personal hygiene or to other areas of their life. It could mean that the person has tried and tried but now can’t help their partner, or their partner doesn’t want the help and that’s why they think of ending the relationship. They have got fed up of the excuses and cant help anymore.

The Chore Perception Gap and Love Languages

When it comes to the data with the chores, it seems women do more of the cleaning and chores than men. This could be that we are still stuck in old times where the man goes out to work 5 days a week and the women who also works and maybe does do 5 days per week as well but then she has the added stress of family, children, home care, work, life etc that things get missed.

There may be an imbalance of what men think they do compared to what their female partners do. This comes across in the data:

• More than two-thirds of women say they do the majority of housework.

• Just less than three out of every 10 women say they feel the chores are split equally.

• More than half of men say the housework and chores are split equally.

• Nearly two-fifths of men say they do the majority of the work.

This can come across as miscommunication. It depends on what their love languages are. If you are a person who uses acts of service as a love language, then you might have a better way of communicating to you partner to say ‘can you put the bin out’ or ‘can you do the dishes’ etc. If you feel this isn’t your love language, how do you communicate with each other about what needs to be done.

Doing the Dishes: The Biggest Turn On

In the study, doing the dishes was the biggest turn on. This could mean that the person doing the dishes is doing it out of love and shows the practical side of things and shows love for the other person that even though they are doing mundane tasks, they still will do them because it helps their partner out. This is seen as another act of service for a loved one.

This is a sign of great communication here especially if the other person hasn’t been asked to do it, they just do the task without being nagged. Women may see it as more caring feminine side of the relationship if their male partner is doing chores. It means they are still invested in the relationship and the male partner hasn’t become dependant on them to ‘look after’ them as such.

This is where things may change, and conversations need to happen because the female will feel like they are ‘mothering’ them. This is where conflict and tension can arise if it isn’t spoken about. This can be a turn off if it switches because they have become the mothering side of the relationship. This helps with mutual understanding of the relationship and what is expected of each other.

How to Fix the Conflict Tonight

According to the study, over half (55.9%) of people have argued with partners over cleaning their homes. This can be due to an imbalance in communication as well as love languages and a lack of understanding of what each partner needs from each other.

Communicate, actively listen and be open to change, this is where the magic happens. I always get my clients to sit back-to-back and talk.

One person starts and the other cant talk until the other one has finished. Its also about using ‘I statements’ for example using ‘I feel frustrated and angry when you do this..’ instead of ‘you make me feel.. when you do this…’ It changes the way you communicate with each other.